Something that has yet to be heard by others, that I want to be heard.

I just realized this, and it just hit me, and i just well, I just want to tell someone, anyone. And I can never tell people around me.

I, I have multiple personality disorder. And never been diagnosed officially because my other selves strongly hate people. Only one of me actually likes people, he is the one at the forefront when it comes to socializing and interacting with others.

He is a goofy funny kind of guy that can get along well with others. He hides everything behind smiles and laughter, thus leaving all who knows US, that we are the goofy funny guy.

But that is not true, they have only seen that side of me because it’s the side that’s easily acceptable and adored by all. Thus making him the primary one when it comes to interaction.

So now, comes to the actual confession. I, I suppose us, have just gotten an epiphany as to why we have failed so hard at relationships.

Me and my other selves are not all fighting for control and constantly going crazy and going at each other, we are very organized and maintained. We each have our roles, but even though we are all so distinct, their are many things we share in common.

Such as our rules, our philosophies of life.

One of these philosophies is that we all believe in True Love, and desire for it. (I have grown up since childhood reading books, and in all those books, there are always those with OTPS, and about people going through all this crap together, and finally really falling and being in love with each other. I have read too many and for too long that I, we, cannot believe such a possibility does not exist for us.)

So we believe in true love. And we all want to be loved.

But, I just realized a pattern to things. A pattern to me and my previous relationships.

The pattern goes as:

The one who contacts and pushes for the relationship is the one who is lovable and adored, the one who can easily let others be easy.

Once he confirms that the guy likes him, and he, we, pursue a relationship.

He slowly shifts over to the next one who would like to be loved.

The next one is usually the Girl and the Rational one, they are the most welcoming when it comes to social contact and do not mind it whatsoever. And when the guy likes interacting with them as well, we start to think, “maybe, he can love ALL of us.”

But this so called thought has always been a subconscious one, and I’ve only been recently made aware of it, (like right now, hence my need to confess this realization. I just need to tell someone.)

The next to follow after them, is me, I am the most aggressive of all the others. The others call me Bitch, and I can confirm. I am a Bitch.

But my highly aggressive nature brings conflict and disrupts the somewhat smooth flow and transition between me and the other selves.

Thus making the people I date think that deep down, I’m an actually fucking mean ass ducking piece of shit Bitch.

But, I’m not. I too want to be loved, but we all exist for a reason.

I am a step that is NEEDED to pass by if we all want to truly be in love. If the guy can handle all my shit and all my crap, that I honestly don’t mean, then, doesn’t that mean he actually loves me?

Think of it as a dangerous climb that needs to be climbed in order to reach the actual depths of my/our heart.

But, no one has made it past. I’m too much for them I suppose. I’m much too much.

I just realized why we/I cannot find love. We ALL want to be loved, but if he cannot truly love ALL of us, then we can never truly love them.

I just realized this, wow, I’m so. I’m so shocked.

They always like the Silly one.

He’s the most agreeable and lovable, the nicest. The sweetest.

They find Rational and Girl interesting.

Rational is curious and asks nothing but questions. How he loves is to analyze and understand everything. He is forever curious and wants to understand, understand everything about someone who interests him. And this questioning and curiousness sparks conversation. Which sparks interest than affection.

Girl is sensitive and excitable. She loves love and is the nicest of us all. She is not as funny or goofy as Silly. But she is sweet, and such an entertaining one to watch. She is the shyest, and can only ever speak up when she is talking about her favorite hobbies. She, fangirls, hardcore. And based on interactions, people find her a bit hilarious, though, maybe she is funnier than Silly Hahahaha.

Then next is me, Bitch. I’m the first of the antisocial ones, we dislike people. Thus makes it hard for us to enjoy contact with others. But when the others love, we too feel that love, so we attempt in our own way to express it.

I, am aggressive. Think tsundere in anime. I’ve been called that before, Girl calls me that. Though I scoff at the notion. She calls me an “Ojou-sama”. Though, now that I’m thinking about it, someone has gotten past me before. But they could never get past the next one.

The next one is probably the most difficult. Though I am confrontational and aggressive, I at least do not mind social contact. I just push away those who can be pushed. And those who persist are able to stay.

The next one is Cold, he is cold and indifferent. He does nothing nor cares for nothing, but like all of us, he too wants love. But since he is so cold, he doesn’t know how to express it, and wishes for the other to persist, and if they could somehow melt his cold heart, than that is when we can all truly say. “I love you.”

But he is too cold. No ones made it past him, at least, no ones tried. His reason for existence within us is an essential one. There are times when one can only be indifferent to survive. He has the most perseverance and can endure almost anything. He endures the pain and suffering and all the things that we cannot. He does it all with a calm and indifferent gaze.

But this gaze also wants to be loved. He wants to be loved the most out of us, someone who can thaw his frozen heart.

(Just so you all know and don’t be so confused. And I’m thinking this might be a question. “Why doesn’t the guy leave or go away when he sees all these different and sudden changes in you? You seem like a piece of work.”

Well to answer this question. Though I’ve mentioned earlier that Silly is the one who does most of the talking when we first meet a guy. He isn’t the only one. We freely switch in and out when the time and situation calls for it. And are very flexible, and do it so fast that it seems natural. So we give the guy we are interested in bits of us here and there even though most of the time it is Silly. We do it so we can take in his reaction to the difference of our temperaments. And slowly over time, we increase the frequency of our appearances, while Silly goes more into the back. And the most antisocial ones go to the front. And so it switches around. It’ll be MOST OF US, and less of Silly.)

Hoshi’s Angry Babbles 6

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCJ FUCK FYCK FUCK FUCJ FUCK FUCJ FUCK FUCK IT ALL. I’ll kill every time I’ll kiilll you allZ kill kill kill kill kill kill I hate you I hate everyone I hate HATE HATE THE WORLD. ILL WATCH IT BUTN ILL WATCH IT DIE ILL WATCH IT AND I WILL ENJOY IT I HATE EVERYTHING. I dislike everyone . My head hurts. So much hate with no outlet. My body is weighed down. I hate HATE HATE HATE AGRE DIEJEB E HEISHE HDDIIDEIEIDIEIEIDIEIEIDIDU

Hoshi’s Crazy Babbles 4


I still want to share the secrets to all!


So is it really a problem if Hoshi just shouts to the world!!

But what if one of your friends find out Hoshi?

What friends? What people?

Hoshi is a complete LONER.

CAUSE HOSHI’s TOO COMPLICATED FOR REAL PEOPLE. Only the areas within Hoshi’s Head can handle Hoshi. Ahahahahhahahaahhahahshahahhxdb dvoendndfv

Hoshi’s Crazy Babbles 3

Mmmmm mmm mmm mmm mm mm mm knmmmmmm mmm

I have a lot of secrets Hahahaha Hahahaha.

I kind of want to tell everyone.

But they must be worthy to know Hoshi’s secrets. They must be willing to know. They must be kind and considerate. And most of all caring.

Cause hoshi’s secrets are important and tell a great deal of how Hoshi works.

But no ones kind nor caring, so Hoshi just wants to tell EVERYONE. So maybe someone can be kind and caring.


SO NO. Hoshi you idiot, you mustn’t do that.

But Hoshi, we just want it you know.


Hoshi can never be weak.

Hoshi’s rules have Long been iron set.

Hoshi’s Crazy Babbles 2

Hoshi Hoshi Hoshi Hoshi Hoshi Hoshi Hoshi.


There exists a library inside somewhere. It is a treasure trove of memories. But I do not like memories, so I suppress EVERYTHJNG.

But suppression is NOT good.

The memories come in and out and attack me constantly everyday.

I have bouts of insanity frequently because I can not handle the suppressed memories.

Bouts where I just want to give in the craziness so I can no longer be succumbed to the pain that is my memory attacks.

I don’t know why.

Hoshi hoshi Hoshi can’t handle memories of the past.

Hoshi’s Crazy Babbles 1

Don’t Hoshi. Don’t don’t don’t don’t don’t. Hoshi Hoshi Hoshi Hoshi. Don’t.

You mustn’t you mustn’t. Don’t don’t don’t don’t don’t don’t.

I’m not Hoshi. You’re Hoshi. But I’m Hoshi. But if we are all Hoshi, who is the real Hoshi.

He’s not interesting.

If one likes another and does indeed want to make something happen, than they should at least put in the effort.

Hoshi’s rule number one in pursuit of love.

Hoshi must never be the one trying.

Examples. Replying quickly. Asking questions. Showing a genuine interest and concern for the other person.

If these feeelings are not returned. It can only lead to one definite answer.

The other party does not show an interest.

Is Hoshi right?

Hoshi is confused but this is a long set ideal.

SO PROBLEMS and Plans on My Fiancé is in love with my sister



I had planned to post about 6-7 chapters soon, but, my computer broke and all of its data is lost, so you must wait a bit more, I am dreadfully sorry.


It… appears… I got some sort of virus… WTH. ALL I DO IS GO ON NOVELUPDATES AND WATCH ANIME.

Oh my god, and… I don’t think my laptop is salvageable, I was told I had to reboot and reset my laptop if I want it working again.

So.. that means, bye bye data and chapters.

And my IRL IS GETTING BUSIER THEN IT WAS BEFORE, I deeply apologize to the readers.

And I know I’ve been MIA, so for those waiting for chapters, I would like to notify them and let them know whats happening.

Really truly sorry.

God damn viruses. Who the hell invented them and why, goddamn it

My Fiance is In Love With My Little Sister Chapter 11 Part 1

Hello! Hoshi here. I am making this chapter into parts. My first translations. And everything is 100% mtl + my little vocabulary in japanese so I would like to say that it is not 100%! But I can assure I try to be as correct as possible


“I want you to protect my sister.”

The crow looks wondrously at me, tilting its head in surprise, it asks me:


I answered in return, “I want you to protect her”, and the crow tilted its head even more.
The entire movement looked really bizarre.
Sometimes, the crow wore a black robe, and it made it look like a magician or some kind of life sized puppet.
And recently, the crow has been flying into my room lately, not having a day without the crow coming.
Unlike the first time when the crow invaded my room without my consent. Whenever it came to visit again, it kept pushing the windowpane
with its beak and waited for me to come to open it, but I no matter how hard I tried, I do not know a way to get pass the bars on my window.
And when I take my eyes off of the crow, it somehow ends up in my room the next moment, and in a humanoid form as well.

“…. Well, whatever, if you want it.”

“Fu”, the crow made a little smile.
Its expressionless face is somewhat similar to Soleil’s. Though Soleil is human, and the crow is not, if you think about it. Its strange. Soleil is more like
this inhuman crow.
If you do not mind me being rude, then I wonder if it is ok if I say it looks eerie.

“But it is strange, why do you care for your sister so much?”
(TN: THIS WHOLE SENTENCE IS WEIRD I TRIED TO CHANGE IT UP SOMEHOW BUT EVEN WITH MY LIMITED VOCABULARY IN JAPANESE, I COULDN’T FIGURE OUT WHAT IT MEANS. So, I’ll just put the straight up translation up along with my own rephrasing of whatever its trying to convey)
(Direct MTL)

Walking around the room without any meaning, the appearance of coloring a bookshelf or a mirror stand is not different from that of a bird, although there is not much.
That is why I felt like I proved that that bird was this guy.


Walking around my room without minding anything, the bird looked at my books and then viewed the mirror as if it was praising itself,
although there isn’t much to praise.
It’s a bird.
But all its actions just made me think even more, that this bird is a man.

“What is it about your sister, that makes you care about her so much?”

And with those words, the crow rushes up to my bed and laughs in my face.

“Yea, I wonder why too. I guess its some kind of sophistry.”

“Sophistry?” *1

“Yes, though, she’s my sister I have to care for her, even if I do not want to care for her, I have to” **2

(Direct MTL)

I think older than I am. However, depending on what I see, I feel like I am a lot older.
If you look carefully, you look like a boy, and if you think so, you will have a look like old age.
I think that it is a mysterious man.


I think more maturely then I should have to. Though,thinking about it, I have been living this life more then I should, so in actuality. I am just an old lady now.

Looking at this crow, who kind of looks like a boy, and I think is a boy, and I think that makes it a boy.
This crow is a mysterious man.

“You still love your fiance, don’t you? And yet he loves this sister, is that not a love affair?”

The man who was lying down looks up into me with eyes as if he could see through me

“…. I wonder if I told you about Soleil.”

“No, but I can just tell by seeing it.”

“Fufufuu”, the crow pleasantly cries out.

I wonder where they/he was watching from. I never exchanged words with Soleil in front of him.
In the first place the crow only ever appears in the middle of the night. And I do not feel anything odd even when it told me it has been watching me because
it only appears in my room.
Maybe.. in the daytime, he takes on another form?
I figured that it may be so, but I am already aware that this crow is not a man who obediently answers the questions.

“It is just a simple love affair, it’s not a reason for me not to cherish —–”

At least for me it is.
There is a reason to cherish her, my sister. I, who knows what will happen from now.
Even now this is the same. I will do what I should do in order to not to lose my sister. That’s all there is to it.
So, I must use what I can use.
Just like last time.

“Besides, you said that I do not need to pay anything for you to help me.”
“Well, I did say it certainly, that I do not need any reward, which was said in a monetary meaning.”
“… ….”
“Do not look like that. I will fulfill my promise … … I have not heard back from you”

The crow raised up his hand and put my head onto his knee and started patting it. *****4
“But I want a reason”

“…. A reason?”

“That’s why I move.”

A feeling of death and cold air sprouts up.
It is neither warm nor cold, so to speak, it feels as if it would strike at me with a black stone. *****5
Like showing me that it is something that can not be tolerated.

“—–Just once”
“…. Hmm?”
“Once, my sister saved my life”

That’s right.
So, I can just not give up on my sister, she needs to have a chance.
Although I do not think fondly of her for saving my life. It is merely that I can not accept the fact that I was protected by my weaker younger sister.

“I was about to be kicked by the forefoot of a horse I was looking after when I was young.”

I could not say that I was truly taking care of it.
It was a stable that I sometimes went to, to get a piece of relaxation from studying, only assisting Madonna (TN: Horse’s name… i think?) ******6
for a bit. You can say that it was mostly me disturbing it.
It was during that time where I happened to be disturbing it.
And, everyone who was there was careless.
It was usually a grown-up horse, and no one thought that it would do such a thing as overreacting.
Ma’an (TN:ALSO a name. I think, name of the trainer?) was also there, holding the reins of the horse. So, I never thought the horse would be
surprised by me, who fell down on a stone, and it unintentionally raised his forefoot about to crush me.

—– Sister …!

I clearly remember the hands of my young sister hanging on my back.
My sister was not there in the beginning, she just happened to have passed by by chance.
As usual she was sick in bed for a while and it would not be nice to stay in the room forever, and so my sister went for a light exercise
and so took a walk with the maid.
And there she me who was about to be kicked by a horse.
Really, it was just by chance.
And she tried to protect me as much as possible.

With the huge shadow approaching overhead, and with the inexperience of a horse being spooked. My small little sister caught me while I could not even run
or cling back due to my fear.
This crisis, if the horse trainer which realized the situation did not draw the reins, my younger sister surely would have had her head kicked.
I’m sure it was not safe, and she would have died.

“……that’s all?”

When I told the story, the crow had a face like it was taken aback.

“—– Yeah, that’s it”

But, it was enough.
In those days, my sickly sister was mostly isolated, so even I only had enough/barely words to exchange with her.
Although it is a distance that is born merely by being from a mother’s different sister, there is no opportunity to contact her even when we were just
physically separated.
I knew that I had a sister, but I was never strongly conscious of that existence.
Whether you were here or not, I thought it would have all been the same.
And yet.
That child called me “my sister” and tried to save me. At the cost of your own body/life.

‘That’s why I still care for her.’

(TN: Original said something like “tied to her” it didn’t really sound nice, or portrayed a good meaning so forgive me for taking
librty to change it)
“… … That’s right, maybe.”

It was Sylvia who protected me by covering her body all over my own, but when I knew it was safe for the both of us and I returned to my
senses. She was still trembling with her small arms around me.
I shrugged down on my back, ashamed that I was frightened, shrinking inside of her thin limbs, which was tight even without resorting too much force.
That is why I swore , as I hugged back that body that was still trying to protect me, on this small and weak younger sister.
That when the time comes and I was given the chance to, I thought, that I should protect her back as she did for me.

And even now I will protect her as she did me.

(TN: I took liberties on this too. It just said “Sorenanoni” Which means “And yet/even then” But I tried to
make sure it made sense, and it didn’t if I were to just put “And yet” at the end here, so I added in a little more context to make it sound better. Forgive me “-.-)

“—– Hehe, good, you are good, very good”
(TN: This line is also weird, it was mentioned earlier when talking about the air about black stones. And I was confused about what the heck it meant. And
right now it is talking about it again. And judging from context, it is talking about his eyes which are now looking up at her. But I checked the original and
no where in there were they talking about “eyes” which I know to be spelled “mae”. So… I am now really confused so, again here. I’ll put both up)


A double black stone looking up at here.


A pair of eyes the color of pure black stone looked upon me.

I do not know what you are thinking, but its eyes are pleasantly loose/nice. (TN: …. It says LOOSE IDK. DOES IT MEAN NICE??!? I’ma put a slash on loose)

“Got it, got it. Good good. Lil Sister, I will protect.”

I do not dislike such human feelings inside me.
And this crow is playing around the back of my head, that happens to be on his knee.
When I accidentally stroked my forehead, the crow that looked at me with a shaky face for a while now, suddenly laughed in satisfaction.
(TN: This crow is confusing as hell to translate and try to make sense of. I still like him though. BUt super confusing as hell)

It will only be a little after since graduating from the academy.
And without anything happening, like this I will get married to Soleil.
And three years later, that summer will come again.
That summer when Silvia was attacked by robbery and died.

Now, what is going to happen?
I wonder if I can do it well.

I wonder if I am scared…
But I think I’m scared.

But, if I do not do it well, I will be condemned again by Soleil.
On that day when I and Soleil married, my sister participated in the ceremony as a relative.

At the end of the ceremony, we go out to the small garden outside of the church and exchange blessings with our relatives and old friends.
My younger sister who brings congratulations upon me and my husband in front of my parents.
Is constantly radiating happiness, that figure constantly smiling.
Even though she is of my own blood, only my sister’s appearance is clearly remembered. (TN: Meaning everyone was focusing on her.)
The loosely gathered silver hair, drawing out a thin reddish complexion upon her. It was shining good on her white skin.
And just like that tea ceremony where we had a couple of people together for the first time, I wore a small smile wearing a beige dress nearing white.
The fragile appearance of a small and delicate little sister who is rarely seen in public is drawing all the attention and was ever and much more
prominent than the bride.

To Sylvia who celebrated and congratulated us, Soleil said thank you.
Barely taking his eyes from her. (TN: Sentence hard to translate, it said something about a loose look, so I took liberties again)
And so, with that profile upon his face, she had on a color of frustration that could not be hidden.
Ah. I can not be the one who is loved. And just like before, I realized it again.

I couldn’t bare to look upon their faces, directing my sight upwards, I looked up at the sky.
I could see black birds swirling overhead.

As if they were all laughing at me.

“…… Crow”

My voice which was murmured near Soleil has been heard, and as in doubt, about if he had hear something, he asks me with his sweet voice.
If I shake my head, as if I had said nothing, he gently chewed in my sigh and asked me, “Is it so?”

(TN: No matter where I translated. “Chewed” kept coming up
so I decided to keep it in. I think chew as in “ignored”? He ate up her sigh and ignored it? I think)

And with that, he quickly loses interest. It seems to be okay not to care about matters pertaining to me.
And that gaze, then came back to my sister again.

Today was supposed to be the happiest day of my life.
I believed that for the first time, I certainly did.
For several weeks I chose a dress just for today. But still, I did the embroidery on my own by myself.
Every time I insert the needle, I feel one step closer to my happiness.
I felt so happy that my mouth would collapse as if I was wishing for it too.
But, carefully observing the me who was acting this way, you can see how Soleil is disgusted with me.
I do not know anyone as I do not understand to anyone, I know that I am bothering that fact, me while pretending nothing.

So much.
So, I am not loved by Soleil.

I’m going to do Fiance is in Love With Imouto, in parts.
Theres a lot..

The Part 2 in this chapter, oh my god, i don’t even want to read it, it makes me cry. Oh my god. UGH I NEED WILLPOWER.

And, so this is my first ever translation, Hope things are ok.
I took liberties to reword things and rephrase them to make them flow ever so more eloquently.
*1 Sophistry is what it all translated too. Sophistry means “false argument” so I think in this context, where she is talking about why she worries so much for her sister, is that she doesnt want to, but she feels like she owes her sister, and so she has to protect her.

*2 just look ^

*** 4- The translation said something about him waving his something and then something about a head then a knee, so.. I changed it to make sense?


Here it is. Help?

****5 –


Translation was weird, I tried to make sense of it. Help?

*** 6 世話と言っても真剣にやっていたわけではない。
Cough, tbh this whole paragraph was confusing as hell.
*** 4- The translation said something about him waving his something and then something about a head then a knee, so.. I changed it to make sense?


Here it is. Help?

****5 –


Translation was weird, I tried to make sense of it. Help?

*** 6 世話と言っても真剣にやっていたわけではない。
Cough, tbh this whole paragraph was confusing as hell.

UGH. After my long hiatus from anything Novel related, lol. I AM BACK HAHA.


And my wordpress is weird, I don’t really know how to make everything all into one piece. Like I would love to have that sliding down tabs thing that some wordpress users have. Like you know.

There’s a general term for everything. And then you just hover over it, and it takes you there.

I.. don’t really know how to set it up? THOSE WHO KNOW. HELP. LOL.